(i'll wait outside your heart)

cross my heart, I would die
shove the needle in my eye
be your sugar, I could try
where's the papers, let me sign
all I want is to be wanted by you

I really ought to ask Cassi to help me update this monster. This delicious, teenage angst beast.

I'm in like again. This rather bizarre preteen crush on a boy I hardly know. But one I'd very much like to.

There's Harry, still.
There's always Harry.

But then there's this new antelope grazing the plain (what a silly analogy!). We'll call him Apollo. Or Paulo. Ech, Apollo. He looks like an Apollo. Or an Adonis.

I'm mumbling and giggly.

I like it. I like this nervous, gaspy feeling. I like feeling insecure (sometimes) and grasping for words to make awkward jokes and panic as I struggle to fill silences that are perfectly acceptable just being.

But, most of all, I like this newness. I like Apollo's quirks and knowing that I don't know him. I'm getting there, slowly, predicting words and jokes and grammatical mishaps. I like the neuroticism (yes! a made-up word) associated with meeting new people, elongated conversations about nothingness and just existing.

In some nine-odd days, I'll hopefully be throwing myself headfirst into this expectational lack of cognizance. Seven-thousand new peers, 100-plus new roommates, 150-odd new classmates...and Apollo just a hop-skip-and-a-bus-ride away.

I'm nervous and excited and nauseated.

And I like it.